


No Plans Needed

by nanthimus (nan)



Category: Zombieland (2009)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 06:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nan/pseuds/nanthimus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Pacific Playland, they didn't quite know what to do. Turns out this was a good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Plans Needed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LithiumDoll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LithiumDoll/gifts).



> I am not your original author but this was a Yuletide Madness ficlet that got a little out of control. *G* You didn't specify shipping so I just stuck with canon. I hope that you enjoy it and Happy Yuletide!

They'd been traveling for several days after Pacific Playland before Little Rock asked the question they were all thinking.

"Where are we going now?"

Columbus chewed on the drawstring of his jacket, glancing at Tallahassee before looking out the window. He didn't have an answer for her. When shit had originally gone down, his plan was to get to Ohio. After that, he followed Tallahassee and Wichita around. Now...he didn't know.

"Does it fucking matter?" Tallahassee asked, a smirk on his lips. "Does it? I mean, fuck, look at the world. It's pretty much our oyster, ain't it?"

Little Rock paused before leaning over the back of the front seat, coming in between Tallahassee and Columbus. She rested her head on her wrists. "What does that mean?"

"What does that...fuck, what do they teach kids these days?"

"Nothing, anymore," Wichita said with a small shrug.

Tallahassee cast a glare at her through the rearview mirror. "It means, the world belongs to us. We can do whatever the hell we want and no one's gonna stop us."

Columbus refrained from protesting that - hoards of undead cannibals could definitely stop them - figuring it would spoil the mood. Instead, he said, "Uhm, hey guys, since we're not actually _heading_ anywhere, maybe we can pull over for the night? Maybe find a hotel or a house or something?"

Tallahassee seemed to mull that over but before he could say anything, Wichita said, "Yeah, that's a good idea. I don't really want to have to sleep in this piece of shit truck."

"Hey, I said I'd get a different one! Just got to find one, is all," Tallahassee said.

"_So_ not the point." She rolled her eyes. "Just pull over at the first abandoned house that you see. We can get rid of whoever's hanging around."

"Damn bossy," Tallahassee said, casting a sidelong glance at Columbus. "Sure as hell feel sorry for you, Kid."

Columbus blinked. "Wha...why?"

"She'll have you pussy-whipped in no time."

Jaw dropping, Columbus glanced uneasily at Wichita before jerking his chin up. "Maybe that's, uh, that's what I like," he said. The statement would have worked better if it didn't sound like a question and Tallahassee snorted.

"Yep, that wouldn't surprise me at all."

"Tallahassee..." The warning in Wichita's voice was enough to make him shut up, but just barely; he kept rolling his eyes and grinning at Columbus, who didn't know whether he should smile back or carefully avoid eye contact. He chose the latter and instead started a most important conversation with Little Rock: The Jonas Brothers vs. Hannah Montana.

The first house they came to was an utter shithole. Tallahassee was going to insist that they stay there but Wichita told him to keep driving. Columbus agreed, which sent Tallahassee into near hysterics. "I-I tol' you so," he panted out.

The following house was much more hospitable. While it's porch was collapsing, the roof seemed intact, and there wasn't anything around it that would serve as a zombie hiding place. If zombies hide. Which they didn't.

It was reassuring, nonetheless.

Tallahassee and Wichita entered the house first, while Columbus and Little Rock followed. It was quiet inside, and dark. Furniture had been toppled over but it didn't seem like any major battles had taken place. Of course, it's always when the coast seems clear that everything goes wrong and as soon as Tallahassee set his rifle down, a zombie crashed down on his back, arms clawing around his neck as it snapped it jaws at his shoulder.

Little Rock screamed and Wichita grabbed her and pushed her away before hefting her shotgun up. "I can't shoot!" she yelled. "Not with this thing!"

Aiming his pistol, Columbus tried to get a shot in. "Tallahassee, stop spinning around!"

"Oh, okay! I'll just stand here and let this fucking thing nibble on me!" Tallahassee leaned forward sharply, swinging the zombie over his shoulder. It crashed through the coffee table, snarling and attempting to get up. Tallahassee grabbed the tv - one of those old clunkers with a dial - and picked it up, slamming it down over the zombie's head.

The zombie immediately became still and Tallahassee clapped his hands together before holding them out. "What do you say? That's gotta be Kill of the Week, right?"

Columbus blinked and nodded. "I think I have to agree. Good, uh, good job."

Tallahassee stared down at the zombie. "You know, people always said too much TV would turn our brains to mush." he looked back up at them, a grin stretched over his lips, eyes blazing. "I don't think they ever meant that literally."

After throwing the zombie outside and boarding the doors up as best they could, they decided it was time to go to sleep. Little Rock curled up on the couch while Tallahassee claimed the recliner. Settling back, he rested his rifle beside the chair, pointing down, and tipped his hat over his eyes.

Columbus cleared his throat. "You, uh, you can take the loveseat," he said, motioning towards it. "I'll take the floor."

Wichita raised her eyebrows. "Why don't we both take the loveseat?" she asked, walking over to it and sitting down. She smiled and hooked a finger. "C'mere."

Columbus paused for a moment before sitting down with her. She pushed him into the corner of it before snuggling against him, pressing her cheek against his chest. "Columbus?"

"Y-Yeah?" Traveling with Tallahassee and Little Rock kept intimacy to a minimum and being close to her still made him a little nervous. What if he did something stupid or inappropriate?

She took a deep breath. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

Biting his lip, Columbus shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. You heard what Tallahassee said. The world's our oyster. We just have to, you know, look out for each other."

He felt Wichita smile again him before she moved, shifting back to look up at him. "I like that," she said, before pressing a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth. "Good night, Columbus." She settled back down against him.

Columbus smiled and murmured 'good night' before looking over at Tallahassee. The other man had lifted the brim of his hat and was staring at Columbus with something like pity, maybe mixed with a little disgust.

"What?" Columbus whispered.

Tallahassee snorted and pushed his hat back down. "You're never going to get laid."

"...Good night to you, too, Tallahassee."


End file.
